Meanwhile, New York Times reporters and editors would get the following incentives aimed at increasing the value of their product, to inspire more subscriptions and to boost ad rates.
- 90-percent reduction of cleverly-veiled bias in news stories
- 120-day moratorium on unnamed sources who disparage people who have names
- Immediate halt to public revelation of national security secrets
- Strict rationing of adjectives and adverbs
- Creation of an entirely new category of factual news story, to be called “good news”
- Quadrupling “positive” coverage of efforts by U.S. troops to bring security and comfort to former victims of tyranny. Such stories shall now comprise at least one percent of the daily “news budget”
I haven't decided if I like Scrappleface or IMAO better, but my highly prestigious endorsement is surely on its way, you can count on that.